I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im holly from the hills drunk
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
