dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just invented taco cereal.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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