it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
