I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
