I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
