I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
