ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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