Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He kissed a someone with a penis
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
