dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
