YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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