I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I smell stomach acid.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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