if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
