You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
