I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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