I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
