I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
