just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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