I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
