belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
