ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
