Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
