Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
