I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
