In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
