so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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