I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
