Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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