theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
