You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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