PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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