All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
