I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize