Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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