my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize