I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
bring money and cleavage
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
