I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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