did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
