I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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