Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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