I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
