porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
