Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
