honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize