May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
