he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
