Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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