im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
