I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
