Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
