you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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