Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize