Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
