i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
