Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
