I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
