Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
