If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
