I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize